Red Circle...

Did you ever had a feeling that you loved something though you wasn't very versed in this subject?.. It was enough for you to see and sense for it give you pleasure... not to take it to component parts and details to discover reasons of affection but just to be delighted with any touch to it... any date even if it stay somewhere far behind "in yesterday" but is still desired to repeat more than once?.. This is my strange way to try to describe you my relationship with the Noir genre films... I don't like the very definition at all... Look, my love, how cold and 'untasty' it is, as if I'm trying to chew in the mouth the tight wad of paper instead of talking about films that causes feeling the happy goose bumps playfully running down my back or tingling of champagne bubbles somewhere around the beginning of throat...

You know, I was completely sure that I will never see anything like this already... the whole cinema world became so self-replicating that hoping for some "adding a new dimension" to this very-old-but-not-cancelled-by-anyone seemed to me absolutely useless...

A collection of the most delicious films that started to be gathered almost by chance but because of this not less enthusiastically have long not be revisited... it happens sometimes when you don't want to wear out once again in your palms something that you try to keep fresh and rough... almost all in black and white... with contrasting sharp faces on which ones even the slightest raising of eyebrows have a special meaning - pass it by eye and you risk to miss a short strong pleasure from revealing of your very own little secret that, perhaps, may have been bury somewhere nearby, or, perhaps, you just think it is...

It was enough of one short Pitch Black heist clip for me to be poisoned irreparably once and for all... so much of... everything?.. of so compelling?... of almost impossible ones?.. and all of this will be mine once?.. I don't believe that... really want to, but don't believe... All that's left is to ask myself one most difficult question: how to wait till I can see all-and-all-and-all till the last shot of such a short (but why so short?) and desired gift so hopeless for existence... And yes, my most dear Mickey, keep in mind that I, probably, can't explain to you how I truly feel about this film... may you would have to put your hand on my forehead and feel how joyfully are beating my dreams-come-true... to try to open the attic of my head and see that in the cabinet shot by shot putted in places all that happened to those Michael and Liam of whom just right now told me these Michael and Liam that I know, like, more than a hundred of years... or knew in some another life... in that very red circle that is gathering little by little within itself everyone who should meet... no matter when, no matter will these ones get to their meeting in this earthly area but certainly already now they are bound with each other in a strange way with thin unraveled to threads yet still not torn strap... I carefully collected with my eyes each gaze and each word... each step of fingers on the table and each not very sober movement of legs on the pavement, gracefully dance "pas" under the woman's voice out of beloved man's lips... Damn, how good is done all this... You know better than anyone: I almost never allow myself to say so... It's too often my expectations have been deceived for one reason or another, too often I've been missing my boat near never-built city... but this time luck had happened to me and remain by my side as long as I can realize it... What is it like?.. Try to remember some quite a 'sudden' setting of the sun... will gone in a while... and you\re walking through the field and following him... and listening absolutely deafening silence feeling that you need nothing more because such moment has been given to you... what you need is already here... and there's something that you always needed, it's just you didn’t know anything at all about it... now you do...

I really don't care how stupid I'll have time enough to tell you this time... something is happening and it's becoming easier and more sincere to share with you anything as it is without worries about whether I'll seem to you after that smart and interesting enough... You know, as I do, that if it won't work, it won't anyway and it can't be fixed with two or three hundreds of words... but if you managed to knock honestly in heart, head and window of someone whom you need so much and told a thousand of stupid things "as they are from within" without thinking of the consequences, so you already have hope that this someone will believe you, even if will not quite understand (or not at once)...

I don't want to ask questions... don't want to look for parallels and meridians between Noir of "yesterday" and Noir that "has been reborn just right now"... It's just is now... I'm just devilishly lucky that I have that now... and that in this wonderful happened miracle there's you... Just because no one ever can do anything like you do... they can try to do better or worse... dive and grasp finer or deeper... comprehend wider or narrower... but such as you do no one can...

This is very short, I know, sorry... Like if I slipped the note under the door... what's the difference if on the crumpled sheet lit a small fire, not to inflame all around, but to warm... Does this warmth that someone want to pass become less important?..

Maybe, a bit later, I'll come back here and say something extraordinary clever and profound... about conception and natural laws... about predestination of fate and intricacies of created intrigue, about coordinated work of cast and crew in difficult financial conditions and the further realization of the project... but for now I want it to be as I said... all that's left for you is to put your hand on my forehead, I'll close my eyes and will wait till you'll read through my mind all the rest... you're my very great and very best heist in a pitch black...

to be continued...